Sunday, May 11, 2014

First Mother's Day

Mother's Day usually isn't a big deal in my world (see, e.g.), but this year was worse than normal.

B had the boys for the weekend, so I was home alone. I also discovered that there's a huge difference between being without your children on Mother's Day by choice and being without them because it's not your weekend. (I know I could have had them this weekend - all the visitation schedules say so - but B hadn't seen them is two weeks. And I'm being entirely too nice.)

I didn't get a gift or a card. I didn't expect one from "the boys" (B), but I still held on to a sliver of hope. I have to keep reminding myself that he didn't do anything for events before I left him, so why would he do it afterward? It's like cleaning the bathroom. His bathroom is disgusting (I'm guessing it hasn't been cleaned since I moved out four months ago), but he never cleaned the bathroom before we were married (one of the first things I would do every time I visited him in college was clean his bathroom. True story), so I can't expect him to do it after we're not married.

He did, however, go out of his way to do something for both his mother and mine. He took the boys and surprised his mom at her church this morning. Then he took the boys to my mom's house to see her before taking the boys back to his place. I'm getting all of this from W, so I'm not sure how accurate it is, but it sounds like there might have been cards involved, too. He's never done stuff like this before.

I also didn't get anything from daycare, which I found very odd. I've come to enjoy the crappy crafts and bad cards that come home every year. Maybe this new center just isn't into that sort of thing.

But what really broke my heart was not even getting a "Happy Mother's Day!" from the boys. They're four and five. I don't expect them to remember to do that on their own. But would it have killed B to prompt them into it? On the way home tonight, the boys talked about telling both grandmas Happy Mother's Day, so he prompted them into it at least a couple of times today. But he couldn't be bothered to do it for me.

I guess this comes down to me needing to better manage my expectations. I know I can't reasonably expect anything out of B because he's still upset and angry about the way our marriage is flaming out But I apparently haven't taken this to heart because it still hurts.

This is my new normal. I need to get used to it. I will get used to it. But right now, I just hate that it bothers me.


amanda @ There Are 2 Sides said...

Well. This is pretty shitty. Sorry babe.

Bunny @ 86n It said...

I want to write a whole bunch of angry stuff, but you are right, it is better just to focus on managing your expectations.
Sorry you had a crappy day.

Happy Mother's Day!!