Sunday, December 15, 2013

The fat clothes dilemma

I've gained a few pounds over the past several months. And by "a few" I mean almost 30.

It started innocently enough, with me eating my feelings during the couple of months I was between therapists and psychiatrists. The stress eating happens occasionally, and then I regain my senses and drop the five-ish pounds I tend to put on. This time, however, I'd put on about 10 pounds by the time I got to the new crazy doc. And even though all the therapy made my feelings less delicious, the doc put me on a medicine that tends to cause weight gain. I was on this particular drug once before, and I remember gaining 10-ish pounds during the month or two I used it, so I wasn't terribly thrilled with this idea. He assured me, however, that if I stuck with his "diet" plan (which is essentially strictly-enforced portion control) the weight gain wouldn't be an issue.

Well. Fast forward to the end of month one on Fat Drug and I've gained about eight pounds. I redoubled my efforts to stick with the diet plan (and did fairly well, I thought; I didn't even gain any weight over Thanksgiving!), and six weeks later, I'd gained an additional 12 pounds. For those keeping track at home, that puts me up 29 pounds since July. I currently weigh what I did the day I walked into the hospital to have R, which was my highest pregnancy weight. It's also now my highest non-pregnant weight.

In short, I'm feeling like a heifer, and none of my clothes fit.

I'm weaning off of Fat Drug and trying something different. I've got two more weeks before I'm off it entirely. Last time I came off of Fat Drug, I dropped the weight I gained on it fairly quickly (within a month or so, I think). But that was about 1/3 of what I've gained this time around, so who knows how long it'll take (or even if it'll happen) this time around.

As you can imagine, none of my clothes fit. I caved and bought some clothes in my current size - three pairs of pants (two dress, one jeans) and two sweaters - but it's difficult to dress myself for five days of work in two outfits. A few of my sweaters still fit, so I can make it work. I have one fat suit that fits well enough to get me through a day of hearings.

This brings me to the evening's dilemma. Do I go out and buy more clothes that fit me so I don't feel like an overstuffed sausage 75% of the time? Or do I wait another couple of months and hope that I actually lose the weight and can get back into the clothes I already own? Comfort tells me to go shopping, but thrift tells me not to waste my money. Buying bigger clothes feels like admitting defeat, but buying bigger clothes would also make me feel more comfortable with myself. What would you do?

3 comments:

Swistle said...

I might ask on Freecycle, or I might try Goodwill first. But I would probably end up buying some more clothes.

The Writer Chic said...

Ugh. I hear you, friend. I've had some massive issues since coming off my prozac and combine that with weaning and, yes, a hefty dose of emotional eating, too, I....oh, I GET THIS. I'm up about 25 since April. And even that April number is 25 over where I need to be for a healthy weight. So. I say buy a couple more things to round out your wardrobe and make you feel a little more comfy (though it might not be work attire, are you at all a legging-and-tunic girl?) and then reward yourself with a trip to clothes mentor to offload the "up" sizes when the weight comes off in the spring.

Meaghan said...

Buy more clothes. Just basics and just a few - try Goodwill or Salvation Army stores if you don't want to spend a ton of money. But it's hard to feel good about yourself in clothes that don't fit!