In my life as a recovering depressive, one of the toughest things to handle has been normal emotions. I know that things like "happiness" and "sadness" and "anger" exist, but I feel like I don't know how to recognize them like a normal human being. In my mind, a bad day is never just a bad day; it's the start of another major depressive episode that is going to last forever and throw me back into the dark days. It's ridiculous, but it's how my brain works right now.
Tonight, for example, I'm disappointed and upset. A normal person would think to herself, "Oh. I'm disappointed and upset because something didn't work out the way I wanted it to. This sucks, but I'll be better tomorrow." But what a recovering depressive thinks to herself is more along the lines of, "I'm unhappy and feeling depressed. My life sucks. Oh, shit, this is probably the start of a major slide. How am I going to deal with this on top of everything else? ..." It goes on, but I think you get the point.
I'm not really going anywhere with this. It was just something I recognized tonight and felt like throwing out there.
Also, I have a zit on my earlobe that hurts like a mother.
I'm done with the random.