Music has really been speaking to me lately. Probably because I've been in a "mood" and my music seems to effect me more deeply when I'm in a mood. It probably also has to do with the fact taht my most listened to playlist right now is call "Blah" and contains what I call my depression music. It's good for listening to when I'm in my bad places.
Digression: I miss the days of ICQ and AIM and such where you had a profile where you could put poignant song lyrics without explanation and without much fanfare or many people noticing. I feel like I lack a social media outlet for that sort of thing now. (Not that I need it often...just for the occasional emo phase).
Back to the music. One song I've been listening to a lot lately is Seether's "Here and Now."*
There's a line in the song that goes, "So tired of holding on to strings much better left to fray." The album the song comes from is also called Holding on to Strings Better Left to Fray, and it's spoken to me from the first time I saw the title. Because that is how I feel about everything right now. Like I'm desperately holding myself and my life together by grasping at the tattered strings hanging off of my marriage, my finances, my professional life, my sanity. None of it feels salvageable and I keep thinking that it would be better to just...let go. Let the strings fray, the fabric unravel, and the fallout happen.
Ultimately, falling to pieces takes so much less energy than holding it all together. I'm just not sure I have to energy to keep holding on to all the unraveling bits. I think it's time to let the strings fray.
* In fairness to Seether, I should mention that I also love and am inspired (in a good way) by Rise Above This. There is no excuse for that Careless Whisper cover, though.