Sunday, April 15, 2012

(Un)Medicate me

I mentioned in my last post that I briefly considered stopping all of my meds because I'm so fed up with my mental health care and my doctors and my seeming lack of appropriate response to EVERYTHING I'm put on. I also mentioned that I quickly dismissed the idea.

But since Wednesday, the idea has stuck in the back of my mind, poking at me whenever I get a quiet moment. I started really considering the idea of being unmedicated. I mean, I was mostly fine-ish long, long ago before I got pregnant. Maybe the medicines are part of the problem and I'd be fine without them.

I've done some research on weaning. I fought with myself over taking my morning pill. I actually quit taking my sleeping pill (woooooo, rebound insomnia!). I figure, if I do this, I'll go one med at a time until I'm off all of them, and the sleeping pill seemed like the easiest one to stop. We'll see if I feel that way after not sleeping for a few weeks days.

It's just not normal for a 29-year-old woman to be on this much medication. I feel like I've hit the point of over-saturation, and stuff just isn't working any more. I'm currently on five daily prescriptions, two as-needed, and four supplements. It's too much.

I think I'm going to start trying some more supplements/natural stuff to get me back to something resembling normal. I'm considering getting tested for food intolerances to see if those might be causing systemic irritation that's manifesting as depression and anxiety. Hell, if someone told me standing on my head, naked, in a blizzard would fix me, I'd probably do it.

The funny part about all this? I'm thinking about quitting my medications right in the middle of some bad, bad days. Part of the reason is my honeymoon period with my newest med is apparently over. (Am I the only one this happens to? New meds seem to work for a few months, then - BAM - I'm back where I was.) What's the point of putting all this crap into my body if it's not doing me any good?

For everyone who thinks this is a terrible idea (I'm assuming that's everyone reading), I have a counseling appointment tomorrow, and I'm going to discuss this with my therapist. I can already picture her face. I also know she's going to tell me the same thing she did when I asked if she thought I had bipolar II - I'm so desperate for something to fix me, I'll grasp at any straw that might give me a quicker or easier fix. I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that was the gist of it.

It's true, though. My current "solutions" are not quick. They are not easy. And they don't seem to be doing much good. I feel like quitting all medicines can't be much more terrible than what I've got going. At best, I'll be fine and feel normal. At worst, I end up offing myself. Both solutions take care of the problem.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

You do what you have to do. I hate all the medications I take and I often wonder what's under all that. I have contemplated it...but I know I need them.
Good luck tomorrow. Get a plan going !