I think we have a winner

TMI, but I started my period today. And - AND - today DIDN'T mark the first day in two weeks that my mood only ranged from homicidal to suicidal. I think my newest crazy pills may be the ones for me.

For months, I've spent the two weeks between ovulation and my period in a major, major funk. Like, worse than the general morose-ness that seems to have become my normal, default state of being. It was bad. Like, I'm-kinda-surprised-I-never-ended-up-in-the-hospital bad. I talked to my psychiatrist about it several times (once I realized that my crashes were cyclical, predictable, and perfectly aligned with the hormone shifts in my cycle), and he sort of seemed to pooh-pooh my thoughts on the matter. I still don't know if it came across that way because he has some serious social deficiencies, or if he really thought I was making shit up. Regardless, I didn't feel like he was addressing the problem, and my medicines obviously weren't working. At my last appointment, he changed my meds for the 53,498,747,097 time since June, and told me we would talk about it again at my next appointment. I took the script and left, thinking it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. My two-week crash time was over, and I hadn't felt too badly. I didn't put much stock in it, though, because I was weaning off of one med and on to another, and every time I've done that, I've had a good luteal phase period (I think it's because I have two different layers of crazy control going on during the switch). I cancelled my next psychiatrist appointment because I hadn't made it through another cycle by that point, and I didn't want to go in and tell him I'd been feeling good if I was just going to end up crashing - again - a week or so later.

But I'm through that next cycle, and I still feel good. Like, I couldn't even tell you what day I ovulated this month solely based on my flip from morose to scary-depressed in less than 24 hours because it didn't happen. It. Didn't. Happen. That might be the first time since, uh, June.

On top of controlling the menses-related crazies, I think this medicine combo is working for me in general. I feel better overall, less depressed, and more like a functioning adult human being. A friend even told me the other night that I'm starting to sound like the old, pre-crazy Emily again, which totally made me tear up because it's been so, so long since anyone's been able to say that about me. Plus, it's making me lose some weight, which is always a welcomed side effect. (Don't get too jealous. So far I've only lost the 15-ish pounds I packed on with the med I was on right before this. Fingers crossed that it keeps going, though!)

I don't want to get too excited or get my hopes for this combo up too high, though, because then I'll just be more upset if it stops working. But I'm cautiously optimistic. But I think I can call cautious optimism a win for right now.