Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The end

NaBloPoMo is over! Woo! I'll probably take a few days off now. I'm in the mood for a break.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Bedtime conversations

Tonight, (about 40 minutes) after B finished W's story time and left him alone to sleep, I get the call.

"Maaaaaahhhhhhhhh Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." (Imagine the last few Es trailing off pathetically.)

Of course, he only does this when he hears me come upstairs to do something else; then I can't ignore him without causing a full-on, wake-the-baby-who's-actually-sleeping screaming fit. What can I say. The kid knows how to manipulate me.

So, I do what I do every other night, and head into his bedroom for a couple of minutes of snuggling and chatter. He can't seem to sleep without me laying down with him for a bit (though I hear he does fine when I'm not physically in the building where he's sleeping - again with the manipulation thing). This is how tonight's episode played out (with interpretations as necessary):

Me:  What's wrong, Buddy?

W:  Fie mih-nuhs. ["Five minutes." His way of asking me to lay in his bed with him for five minutes before leaving.]

Me (settling my far-too-large-for-a-toddler-bed frame on to the bed):  All right.

W:  [Several minutes of random jabbering about trains and his sea horse and Grandma and such.]

Moment of silence

W (grabbing a chunk of my hair):  Wha's dis, Mommy?

Me:  That's my hair.

W:  Get haircut? [I don't know if he heard B say something about my haircut when I came home tonight, or if he actually noticed that it looked different. I'm betting on the former.]

Me:  Yep, I did.

W (excited):  Get sucker?

Me:  No, I didn't get a sucker after my haircut.

W (really excited):  Get orrge [orange] sucker?

Me (trying to contain my laughter):  No, honey, I didn't get any suckers. They only give those to big boys.

W (practically bouncing out of bed):  I get orrge sucker! Iss YUMMY!

And scene.

I'm not sure why I found that little exchange so funny (and I'm sure none of you did...sorry. My blog and all, you know). First, I'm surprised that he remembered getting an orange sucker after his last haircut. I suppose I shouldn't be, though. He remembers all kinds of random stuff like that. Second, I think the fact that he got so excited about my imaginary sucker was cute.

Yeah, it's lame. But it's also late and I'm tired, so you get what you get. It's the end of November. I can't give you a better excuse than that.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Brought to you by the letter "sleep"

Tonight I have to make the choice between blogging and sleeping. I think it's pretty clear who wins. Sorry. We'll try again tomorrow.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

The dreaded high school reunion

My high school class had its first reunion last night. Ten years. Makes me feel old. I was technically on the "planning committee" because one of the class officers (mistakenly) thought I was an officer our senior year. I was not excited about this development. Particularly because the lone male in the group and I got our ideas voted down, but whatever. I ended up passing off all of my responsibilities a couple of weeks ago when I seriously thought I was going to end up in the hospital again; I didn't want to be the one who didn't follow through. Not having to do anything was sort of nice, though I did get volunteered to sit at the check-in table for an hour.

The reunion ended up being held at a local organization's basement bar with a potluck and cash bar. It actually didn't turn out as horribly as you might think. There were probably 50-60 people there (out of a class of 200), and most of them still live in the area and are still friends. So that was a little weird for the rest of us. There was a bit of an uproar from a section of the class (mostly the bandies) because someone had posted someone about playing flip cup on the reunion's facebook page. Apparently that meant that those going to the official reunion were too immature for a group of 28-year-olds. This other group is planning their own reunion, for the "adults," at some other time. I still have some contact with one of the organizers of the counter-reunion, so I got an invite. I don't think I'm going. Because, seriously? Getting your panties in a bunch about some of the attendees wanting to play flip cup is far less mature than actually playing flip cup, as far as I'm concerned. And just in case you were wondering, no flip cup ever occurred. There were several games of beer pong, though. Immature bastards.

Two of my three best friends from high school were there, and so were a few other people I was close to. That was about the end of my circle, though. I at least said hi everyone and did the whole awkward "Where are you living? What are you doing? How's life?" chat with them. It was nice to see L and K again, as I haven't talked to either of them in a long time. The three of us were sitting and chatting when a guy friend walked up and commented, "This just looks way too natural. Can you believe it's been 10 years?" I kinda felt the same. It seems so odd to think it's been 10 years since the three of us sat and chatted and had fun together. Nowadays, there's all kinds of uncomfortable back story underlying our interactions, but there were moments when I could have sworn we were back in L's basement, giggling after a showing of Half Baked.

Quick aside. We actually had a conversation about Half Baked and how the hell we ever started watching/liking it. None of us could remember where it came from, and we all concurred that it's really not a very good movie. Definitely not good enough to be watched 458,345,346 times in a four-year period.

Anyway, back to the reunion. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it through without my friend vodka hanging out with me. The whole event was just weird. And awkward. Did I mention awkward? I'm glad we don't have to do it again for another 10 years. Though, really, the awkward factor's probably going to be multiplied by 100 by the time we get to 20 years post-high school, isn't it?

Saturday, November 26, 2011

In real life

This will probably seem odd to you, but I'm kind of weird about people I know in real life finding my blog. I have a group of girlfriends (we'll call them the girls, for easy reference later on) who all know about it and have been around since the beginning, but that doesn't bother me. Maybe it's because we all started out as internet friends? Who knows. I do know that any IRL people outside this circle knowing about the blog kinda freaks me out.

I think what it really comes down to is I don't like people I know knowing stuff about me that I don't know they know (did you follow that?). I can't even get away from my control-freak nature while spilling my guts to the whole wide internet. I don't like thinking that someone I come across during my day knows all about my crazy, when I have no clue that they're look at me through that lens. Obviously, this is a hazard of blogging. I took that into account within a few months of starting the blog, and have since been careful to keep my full name, my city, my personal e-mail address and Facebook account, and certain other identifying factors out of my blog. I regularly make sure that no one Googling me before a job interview would find the blog in their search results. I hoped to make it as difficult as possible for people I know to find me.

And I think I've failed miserably (story of my life, right?). Based on what I've gleaned from StatCounter, I know someone who works somewhere in the organization I do reads the blog. I don't know who or which department; it could be a prosecutor or clerk I see regularly, it could be someone in an office I've never set foot in. But they know me. I'm also pretty sure my sister found my blog (hi, Laura!), and I think she did it through Twitter. I've also been followed on Twitter by a friend from law school. I only use my first name and blog e-mail for my Twitter account and we don't have any common followers/followees, which leads me to believe maybe she came across my blog before she found me on Twitter. There are also a couple of readers from local law firms, at least one of which employs someone I graduated with. This is all just educated guessing, but it's enough to make me slightly paranoid.

Knowledge of these real-life connections has made me start censoring myself a bit more. I honestly can't afford for all the posts in my head to end up on paper. I'm terrified of this blog becoming highly damaging to me (see, paranoia), even though I love writing here and having a space all my own. I'm constantly walking the fine line between my need to purge my brain and my need to publicly save face.

Oddly enough, I have no problem with the fact that the girls read my blog. I know that they look at me through the lens of crazy. I also have no problem with internet strangers who have become friends reading. With them, I think it's because I'm (most likely) never going to have to look them in the eye and have them judge me. Judging is a HUGE trigger for me. There's yet another reason I don't want my real-life people knowing about my blog self - it gives them judgment fodder.

Though this blog started as a record of my foray into motherhood, I never intended to share it with family or make it a means of sharing information about the boys with those far away. I had a private blog for that (and failed miserably at maintaining it, by the way). I'm not a big-time-mega-huge blogger. I don't expect my writing to be read by thousands (or even hundreds). And for some naive reason, I truly never expected my writing to be read by people in my physical circle. I've been working on accepting the fact that my blog has "grown" to that point and being comfortable with all that entails. It's kind of hard, though, and still makes me a little uncomfortable. Has anyone else gone through this, or is this just one more manifestation of my crazy?

Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

I've never been hugely into Black Friday shopping. Getting up that early isn't in my nature, even when I can save a bajillion dollars on DVDs, electronics, and ugly pajamas. I've gone out a few times when there's something I've decided I need (like the $20 shop vac for my brother-in-law's Christmas present a few years ago, or the uber cheap glider and ottoman I decided I had to have when I was pregnant with R, or the new printer that cost less than buying ink cartridges for the printer we had), but I generally don't get up in the middle of the night and shop 'til I drop. If anything, I tend to head out later in the morning - around 9:00 or 10:00 - hoping that some of the stuff that caught my eye might still be in stock. It almost never is, but that doesn't matter too much to me.

Even if I don't intend to brave the crowds, I love looking through the ads, seeing what the good deals are, making fun of the ridiculous ones, weighing which store give the best free gift if you show up at an hour God never intended man to see. My mom always buys a paper on Thanksgiving day, and the ads are spread out all over the living room and passed from person to person.

This year, I'm skipping it completely. I intend to stay as far away from retail outlets as possible today. I think it's from some combination of being broke, being lazy, and being 85% done with my Christmas shopping (thank you, blog giveaways! I'm going to do a post about this...if I ever bother to get off my ass (or hip, if we're being accurate) and take pictures). I've glanced through the ads, and would love, love, love to hunt down a new laptop to replace my poor, miserable baby that my children killed while I was on vacation, but I'm trying to be financially prudent, and our checkbook tells me that buying a new laptop - even at Black Friday prices - is a bad idea. Stupid being a grown up.

What about you? Do you go all out for Black Friday shopping?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving, blah, blah, blah

I'll start by saying that I know I have lots and lots to be thankful for. Kids, home, job, friends, blah, blah, blah. I get it. But I'm not feeling it. Not at all. I think I can confidently say that I am the unhappiest I've ever been. I'm feeling beaten down by life and without feasible options. It's hard to be thankful when that's your life. I don't expect you to get it unless you've been there. But it's where I am right now.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Getting tired

I can tell the end of the month is coming up (BTW, where did November go???) because I'm getting supremely sick of blogging every day. I have nothing to say that is interesting, insightful, whiny, or otherwise worth typing. Less than a week to go. I can DO this!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Unreasonable expectations?

I, like everyone, have expectations of the people living in my home. I don't think they're unreasonable, but it seems that those living in my household - me included - have difficulty meeting my expectations. Seeing that I live in the midst of it, I need some perspective. Are my expectations unreasonable?

My familial expectations:
  • Treat each other respectfully.
  • Do your part of the housework.
  • If one spouse is extra busy/sick/out of town/otherwise unavailable, the other should step up to assist with the unavailable spouse's household responsibilities.
  • Childcare duties should be shared equally.
  • Take the initiative to help out; don't wait to be nagged asked.
  • Cooperate and work for the good of the whole family.

So, what do you think? Am I being unreasonable? What are some of your family expectations?

Monday, November 21, 2011

Mommy blogger FAIL

I've always partially thought of this blog as something of a digital baby book for my kids, since I'm certainly not keeping paper ones for them. I always thought I was doing a fairly decent job of it, too. Until tonight. W is seeing a new OT tomorrow, and the paperwork is asking me all kinds of ridiculous questions about when he rolled over, sat up, walked, etc. - what do I look like? His mom? I assumed that going back through the archives would quickly answer my questions, and I could go on with my life.

I was so wrong.

All I learned by perusing my blog is that I haven't kept very good records of W's milestones - major or minor. Some of the stuff was there, but not things like when he started "4 point creeping" (I don't even know what that means). I didn't look, but I'm going to assume that my record keeping is just as shoddy (and probably worse) for R.

Though I didn't get the information I started out seeking, I did get reminded - again and again and again for two-and-a-half hours - of how crappy I am at this whole mothering thing. I've done a GREAT job of documenting the minutia of every.single.one. of my parenting failures. And let me tell you, there have been a LOT of them. As far as the successes, those are few and far between. That, or I've just failed to document my parenting successes. Anything's possible.

Reading my archives was depressing. Cheers to those of you who've read from the beginning or have read my archives and still stick around. Now that I've read them, I kinda want to jump ship and never hear from me ever again. I'm slightly jealous of those of you actually have that option.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Sleeping with me is dangerous

While reading the drug information that came with my sleeping pill, I came across the paragraph warning about users sometimes doing things while they're asleep with no memory of the event in the morning. It included things like sleep walking, eating, driving, making phone calls, and even having sex. I read it to B, who fervently started wishing for a couple of bouts of sleep sex (such a dude). Unfortunately for him, no sleep sex - or any other non-sleeping sleep activities - occurred.

I did start having some really realistic dreams. You know, the ones where you wake up thinking you actually got ready for work, and then you panic because you've now overslept and you're still in your PJs? Yeah, those. One morning, I commented to B that I'd had a dream about him yelling at me for kicking him in the nuts and it was kinda funny. He gave me a funny look and told me it wasn't a dream. I guess I had actually kneed him in the balls three or four times while I was soundly sleeping, and he had yelled at me to stop it. I have no recollection of the ball-kneeing activities, just a foggy one of him yelling at me.

A couple of weeks ago, I also apparently backhanded B while I was sleeping. According to him, he rolled over and must have somehow hit me in the surgical incision. I immediately wound up and backhanded him across the chest. Hard. I think I actually left a mark. I first learned of the slapping when he told me about it the next night right before bed. I thought it was pretty hilarious. B did not. He's actually sort of concerned about sleeping with me now. I can't say I really blame him. It'll be pretty embarrassing for him to have to explain away the inevitable black eye.

So the moral here, I guess, is that you don't want to sleep with me when I'm drugged. Well, at least not if you're B; I shared a bed with my bestie for four nights and didn't injure her once. Maybe it's his payback for wishing for sleep sex. Yeah, I think we'll go with that.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

I swear I'm not really 95

Buttgate 2011 continues. After my most recent trip to the doctor, I learned that my incision appears to be healing well, but it also apparently has MRSA bacteria in it. It's not really infected, per se, but the bacteria is there, so we have to treat it. I came home from that appointment with a new packing in my wound and FIVE prescriptions.

For those playing along at home, that means I'm currently on NINE prescription medications. Nine. And that doesn't include the five or six OTC pain meds, vitamin, and supplements I take. That is what I call ridiculous, my friends. I've actually started keeping a list - an actual, written list - in my purse in case I end up in the ER or something. Or go to a new doctor. That came in handy, actually.

I seriously considered buying a pill organizer today. It was a fleeting thought...then I remembered that I'm not actually geriatric, and I decided against it.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Magnetic nail polish

While I was in NC, my friend came home from work talking about her friend's new magnetic nail polish. I had no idea what she was talking about, but she explained it and we googled it, and it sounded pretty cool. It's nail polish that has metal shavings in it. You put on a thick coat, then hold the magnet in the bottle cap over your nail for a few seconds. The shavings move around and make cool little lines. Sephora seems to be the place to get it.

We went shopping on Saturday, but couldn't find the nail polish in the Sephora store. It was conveniently located right at the register for impulse purchasers, and it worked perfectly. L decided to impulsively buy a bottle at checkout. We chose the purple. I'm wearing it now.


It was a bit of a pain to do, but I like it. Apparently a different brand has other magnets that make different patterns, like a starburst or zigzags. I'm kinda in love with this stuff, but would never actually spend the money to buy myself a $16 bottle of nail polish. I'm thinking it would be a fun gift for a nail-obsessed lady in your life, though.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Twitter. Three months later

I joined Twitter three months ago. I got into it thinking I would hate it. But I really kinda love it. I love having somewhere to deposit my stupid, random thoughts throughout the day. You know, the things that are too short to blog about and too inconsequential to talk to someone about. Now, my brain has an outlet for all that stuff. Lucky for my followers, right?

So I guess the moral is, don't bash it until you've tried it. I tried it, and I like it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Butt update

I have my mom's laptop for a little bit, so I can do some updating.

WARNING:  The next few paragraphs contain medical information. If words like "drainage" and "fistula" squick you out, you might want to skip them. The short version:  incision isn't healing and moving make healing take longer. Thus, bed rest and as little moving as possible.

Now for the long version. I'm on bed rest because my butt incision isn't healing like it should be. Approximately 24 hours after my orthopedist pronounced my incision healed, it started draining. I went to the doctor, who told me two small spots on the incision had reopened, glued everything shut, and sent me on my merry way (for the record, medical super glue STINGS when they put it on an open wound. I have a new appreciation for what R went through when he split his eyebrow open last summer). The glue fell off, the drainage continued and kept getting worse. I went back in right before I left for NC (I plan to write about my trip eventually...but I kinda need a computer for that...). The doc glued me together again and sent me home. The glue fell off on my way to Durham (like two days after it was put on; that stuff usually lasts at least a couple of weeks), and the drainage kept getting worse and worse. I was soaking a gauze pad every few hours. It was disgusting.

By Saturday night, I had leaked through all my gauze and my clothes, so I headed to urgent care hoping the doctor there could glue me back together and get me back to Ohio so I could see my doctor. She pretty much handed me some gauze and tape and told me to see my doctor when I got home. It was totally worth my time and the non-insurance-covered urgent care trip (oh, the insurance rant from this trip is worth a whole post on its own).

I made myself an appointment with the orthopedist first thing Tuesday morning. After examining my gross, oozing incision and making sure nothing was infected (luckily, looks like it's not), he sent me for an immediate CT scan to make sure I hadn't developed an anal fistula (if you're really curious about fistulas, go here. I don't recommend it). He didn't think I had, but he needed to be sure. The scan required both oral and IV contrast. What this means in people terms is that I had to drink a bunch of nasty water stuff, wait for an hour, then get an IV put in for exactly 60 seconds of dye injection. I was not prepared to invest that much time in this scan. The doc told me he had talked to radiology and they'd get me right in, so I assumed it would be a quick appointment. You know what the say about assuming...

I about lost it during the CT. I'd been on the verge of tears all morning, and I'd had it by the time I had to get the IV. I managed to keep the tears to leaking instead of sobbing, and convinced the tech that I was crying because my butt hurt.

After my scan was done, I was back to the orthopedist's, where I laid ass-up on the table for a loooooong time. The doc finally came in with another surgeon, and they told me there was a small pocket of air under the incision that was keeping the underlying tissue from completely healing. He also said there was no fistula, though two radiologists said my scan was inconclusive because of the air pocket. They wanted to do some sort of rectal contrast scan to be super sure, but my orthopedist - God love him - told them no. If there were a fistula in my bum, we would know. The discharge would be, um, more poo-like.

My doctor is going on vacation this week, so he brought the other surgeon (who was in the OR during my surgery) in to make sure someone who knows what's going on is available if I need it. Surgeon 2 did a culture of my incision to make sure nothing inappropriate is growing in there. Then he opened the hole a bit more so he could pack it and let the nasty discharge come out faster. Let me tell you, that hurt like a bitch. Both doctors are pretty convinced that I did too much too soon after surgery, which is part of the reason my incision isn't healing properly. Thus the bed rest. Less moving = less pulling and rubbing in the butt crack region = faster healing. Yay.

So I'm hanging out at home, dealing with some major drainage. Gross, gross, gross. I'm hoping this fixes the problems because wound drainage is nasty, and I'm done taping my butt up every couple of hours.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Phoning it in

Earlier today, I decided that I was phoning in my NaBloPoMo post today because I was crabby and didn't feel like writing. Little did I know that my in-my-head post title would turn out to be so accurate. Apparently, the boys knocked my laptop off the shelf while I was gone, and I'm pretty sure they killed it. I am NOT happy about this.

Also, for accountability sake, I'm letting you all know that I'm off work on bedrest until after Thanksgiving. I'l fill in the details later, but if I use the excuse that I'm too busy or have too much going on when I forget to e-mail/call/write/send you a birthday present/whatever, feel free to call me on it. I've got nothing but time for the next 12 days.

Also also, phone blogging sucks. Not that I've mentioned that before or anything.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sad face

I'm leaving to go home today, and it makes me sad. I don't get to see L nearly enough, and our time together is always too short. I guess I don't have much more to say about that...just that I'm sad. But I'm really hoping the relaxation and happiness that I've felt this weekend hang around once I'm back in the O-H. We can all dream, right?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Psychiatric follies

I'm guessing no one else will find this as amusing as I do, but I'll post it anyway...

My psychiatrist is a nice guy, but a bit lacking in social skills. The way everyone talked about him, I thought he might have Asperger's. I revised that opinion a bit once I finally met him, but he's still not the most socially adept person I've ever met. At my last appointment, toward the end of our time, we got into a discussion about a newly-acquired bad habit of mine. As I was getting ready to head out the door, he says, "And, Emily, you're going to want to stop [doing that]." The sheer ridiculousness and simplicity of that statement - you know, because it's so simple to just stop it, whatever that "it" might be - made me laugh so hard that I would almost classify it as a cackle. When I laughed, I think he realized the inanity of his statement, and quickly added, "Obviously." It wasn't a very good cover. I giggled about that most of the way home.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Feeling groovy

I'm feeling really good today. Like, better than I have in a couple of months. I don't know if that's a result of being away from the stress of my everyday for a weekend or the medication changes my psychiatrist made last week, but it's working for me. I hope this sticks around.

In other news, I haven't called home yet. I texted B when my flight landed, but that's been it. And I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. That's bad, isn't it?

Friday, November 11, 2011

Hello from North Carolina!

Today, I'm hanging out at my bestie's apartment in beautiful North Carolina, where apparently a high of 53 degrees is nippy (that made me laugh...I think in Ohio, "nippy" starts somewhere in the mid-30s). I'm here alone for now because L has to work 1). because her boss is a d-bag, and 2)....well, mostly because her boss is a d-bag. I'm cool with that, though. I've been left in charge of the couch and the remote, which gives me a chance to chill out, rest the bum after nine hours of sitting yesterday, nap, and play on the internet on Bernie McBurnerson, the fire-survivor laptop (who still smells like burning every time it turns on, even two years after L's house burnt down). I might wander over to the nearby shopping center for a brow wax at some point, too, as I wasn't able to fit one in before I came down and I desperately need one.

It's amazing how quickly this trip is recharging me. The three hours we spent talking last night were awesome. I miss her so much that it hurts. I've been a terrible friend for the past six to nine months, but she still loves me. These are the best kind of friends to have.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Leaving on a jet plane

I leave late this afternoon to fly to NC to visit my BFF. Squeeeee!!! I am so freaking excited. It's only been about six months since I last saw her, but it feels like forever. I hate that she lives so far away, and I hate that a year when we get to see each other twice is a raging success.

I really hope my butt cooperates during this trip. I know I'm not going to see the sights, but it would be really awesome to do something other than laying around on L's couch all weekend. Regardless, it's going to be great to see her. Only a few more hours!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Tattoo time

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting another tattoo. I'm in the "I want a tattoo, but I don't know what or where" phase.

I was going to show you the ONE thing I've ever pinned on Pinterest, but apparently it's disappeared. And Pinterest doesn't want to cooperate and let me search for stuff tonight, so I can't find it. Boo. Anyway, it was an awesome tattoo someone had done along the outer edge of their foot. I don't remember what it said, but I really liked the location.

I feel like I need to save this tattoo to commemorate something big. B doesn't want me to get another one, so if I'm going to do it and piss him off, it might as well be for a good reason.

I'll keep you updated as Tattoo Search 2011 progresses. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Craniosacral therapy

The older I've gotten and the more health problems I've had to deal with, the more I find myself gravitating toward hippie alternative treatments. It started with massage for some semi-chronic back pain. It was awesome and did wonders for me. Since then I've dabbled in some other non-traditional treatments for myself and the boys. W went to the chiropractor when he was itty bitty. (By that point, I was desperate for anything that might stop the constant screaming...job and insurance changes stopped us from going more than once, so I don't know if it really worked.)

Our newest adventure is in craniosacral therapy. W's first OT (whom I LOVED) quit working at the hospital this summer so she could open her own office doing more of the hands-on stuff that she loves doing. After contacting her about something else and talking about why CST might be good for W, I figured we'd give it a shot. If we got nothing else out of it, at least I'd be helping out a small business owner I really like.

Yesterday was W's second session. The first one didn't go so well. He wanted to play and didn't want the therapist to touch him (which, uh, is sort of the point). Today's went better. Not much, but a little bit. She was at least able to do a few releases (I think that's what they're called...), and she showed me a couple of things I can do with him at home. She also convinced me to book myself a session. I'm an easy sell, what can I say?

I'm hoping that the CST will complement W's occupational therapy to help with his sensory issues. He's so, so much better than he was a year ago, but he's still got a long way to go, especially if I expect him to be able to function in a classroom-type setting. My biggest fear is that he's going to be labeled ADD/ADHD as soon as he's in a classroom, and someone is going to push medicating him. He doesn't have ADD or ADHD. He doesn't need medicines. He needs LOTS of sensory input. I guess we're just going to have to wait and see how he develops and progresses with is therapies over the next year or so.

If you're interested in CST and live in my area, give Jeanne a call (and tell her I sent you). She's awesome and will craniosacral you right up.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Asking a blogger on a date

There's a blogger out there I've been reading for quite a while, and I really admire her. I will be in her area sometime soon, and I'd kinda like to ask her out for coffee or something. I would love to meet her, but I feel like it would be super weird to just e-mail her saying "Hey, love your blog, come meet me!"

What do you think? How would you react if you got that e-mail? Is there any way for me to ask her without sounding creepy? Should I just scrap this idea all together?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Home alone

One of B's fraternity brother got married last night. We were both supposed to go, but after a week plus of pushing myself (specifically, my assular region) more than I should, the thought of spending several hours sitting in the car, followed by several hours of sitting at the ceremony and reception, was just too much. Instead, the boys went to my mom's as planned, and I stayed home alone. It's been sort of nice. I did nothing but lay on the couch watching DVDed shows and napping. My house is a sty, and I should have been cleaning, though, so I'm feeling a bit guilty about that.

B had a great time at the wedding. I was really bummed that I didn't get to go see all the guys...it's been about a year since the last wedding where we all met up. But the one thing I was really upset about? Missing out on holding and cuddling and snuggling one of the guys' six-week-old baby boy. Sweet sleepy babies nuzzled up against me is the ONE thing I miss about the baby days. It's wonderful to have a warm little bundle of sweetness in my arms and to smell the delicious baby smell. Plus, when he starts screaming, I get to give him back. Now THAT is my idea of parenting. Man, I need a snuggle baby.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Music and writing

I liked Thursday's NaBloPoMo prompt, so I'm writing about it today. The prompt was:  "Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?"

The fact is, I can listen to just about anything and still write. I like having background noise when I'm working. I think it helps me focus. Most days, I have something playing on my work computer. I find listening to music and pounding away on the keyboard almost therapeutic. Reading can be more difficult for me with music, but writing almost never is.

Today's musical selections included the playlist on my cloud drive that I affectionately call "Blah."  It's the best depression music I've been able to cobble together from my musical downloads. It has lots of Shinedown (I'm totally in love with Shinedown right now), some Fuel, a little Breaking Benjamin and Seether, and assorted random sad/angry songs. My go-to depression music was always Counting Crows' "August and Everything After" and Fuel's "Something Like Human." But I've managed to lose both of those CDs (oh yeah. I had them on CD) without ever transferring them to my computer. I know the Counting Crows CD was left in the player of my totaled Pacifica when it was scrapped because B didn't know about it and didn't think to look in there, but I have no idea where the Fuel one went. I miss those CDs.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Faking thanks

I hate the world and most of its inhabitants today, but rather than regale you with my sob story, I'll give you five (-ish...I'm not sure I'm up to that many tonight) things I'm thankful for.
  1. B not having class tonight for the first time in almost a week. It's giving me a chance to hide from the children and be miserable in peace.
  2. Diet Coke. I'm never NOT thankful for that stuff.
  3. Laying down. My butt hurts like a mother today, and sitting at work has been brutal.
  4. Crappy Day Presents. Seriously, these are the best idea EVER. (If you've never given/gotten one and are intrigued, Doing My Best is hosting a CDP exchange. Check it out here.)
  5. Sleep. Because, obviously.
Hey look. I did it. Yay. Now off to go wallow some more.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

A milestone

I went to write something of consequence tonight when I realized that last night's post was my 500th. So I thought I would mention that little blogging milestone tonight instead. Yay me!

I also want to mention that I fly out to see my bestie in ONE WEEK!!! Squee!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Fear and loathing

That just about sums up my innermost thoughts right now. Fear and loathing are the two emotions ruling my life at the moment. Fear of the things going on inside of me, within my family, in my life. Loathing of everything I am, every choice I've made, everything I do.

Ladies (and possibly the unlucky gentleman who somehow stumbled upon the blog), I am not ok. It started out as my typical one-week-pre-period blah phase. But my period has come and gone, and I'm not feeling better. I'm actually feeling much, much worse. I've been overwhelmed by anger and anxiety lately. The anger I'm used to.The anxiety I'm not. Depression - not anxiety - is my "thing;" I'm much more comfortable with the D than I am with the A. I don't like the constant inner churning. At least with depression I mostly don't feel anything.

I've talked to my counselor. I (finally) see my psychiatrist in a week. I don't think it really matters. It's not like anything helps anyway.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Aww, what the hell

I've signed myself for a third year of that November blogging event with the worst short form name ever that makes me cringe every time I even think it NaBloPoMo.I have very low hopes for me actually making it through this year. But I'll give it a shot anyway. One day down, twenty-nine more to go. Whee!

Anyone else playing along this month?