Wednesday, October 26, 2011


I'm feeling very Theory of a Deadman lately. (Warning:  the video contains, uh, colorful language. Don't listen if that's not your thing).

So, instead of talking about me, let's discuss the kids. Here's some of what they've been up to lately.

Goofing around with Daddy.
Scooping pumpkin guts. He wasn't particularly excited about it.
Baby with a knife. Always an excellent idea.

B loooooves getting his picture taken.
Pumpkins are hilarious!
The results:  W's, Daddy's, and Robby's.
Frosting the birthday cake he baked for Grandma.
R thought about helping...
...but decided that licking the spatula would be more fun.
Mmmmmm, frosting!
Feeding the chickens.
Chickens are kinda awesome.
Mommy's little helper.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Failing, failing

Dammit, I'm back here. Again. Life is crumbling down around me. Again. I can't do anything right. Again. I'm failing at life. Again.

The depression triggers have been coming at me hard and fast this week. Pain. Physical healing issues. Marriage trouble. Financial stressors. People judging me and my parenting. Cancelled psychiatrist appointment. Needy children. It goes on.

And I have so much to do. So much. My performance goes way, way down when this happens, which just makes me feel like even more of a failure. Unfortunately, I still have to get stuff done. It's taking everything in me to not cancel all our weekend plans, ship the boys to Grandma's, and hide in my room crying until life goes away.

And life never goes away, does it?

Friday, October 21, 2011

Number five

Five years ago today, I was a newly-minted Mrs.

Photo taken by a friend...or relative...I think.
I barely recognize the stupid girl walking down that aisle five years ago. I find it even harder to recognize the stupid girl who fell in love with her tall, gangly, sort-of-nerdy groom in physics class ten years ago. And that's...well, that's really all I have to say about that.

Even when things are horribly tumultuous sort of rocky, I feel like the beginning of our marriage at least needs to be recognized, you know?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sunday brain dump

I would really love to give you guys an actual post sometime, but it's just not in the cards right now. I'm way too unfocused to come up with anything more than another obnoxious blurb post.
  • Surgical recovery continues. Some days are good, some are not. I think the boys have just about reached their breaking point with the "no pick ups by mommy" thing; they're both uber, uber clingy.

  • I discovered the secret to having a house that doesn't smell. You need to get rid of anyone who a) is male, and b) still regularly craps their pants. That happened last weekend, and my house actually smelled pleasant! (Ok, maybe not pleasant, but definitely not rancid). I liked it.

  • Not being able to pick up the boys means that I've had to go to work an hour earlier than normal since I went back so B can put R in the car for me before he goes to work. That's getting old. I'm not looking forward to getting up at 5:00 tomorrow. And, assuming I'm cleared to lift babies at my appointment on Tuesday, I'm still not going to get to "sleep in" because I (allegedly) have a trial on Wednesday and Thursday.

  • I went to the symphony for the first time ever last night. It was pretty awesome. I also found out that one of the family nights the local symphony is doing is Super Why!-themed. W's big on Super Why! right now, and I think he would love this. My mom's talking about buying him tickets for Christmas.

  • Speaking of Super Why!, I think that's what W is going to be for Halloween. He hasn't expressed any sort of costume preference, and I bought him a superhero costume from Powercapes for his birthday. Throw the costume on over a green sweatsuit, add a pair of blue undies and yellow belt on top, and viola. Super Why! R gets to be a penguin. Because we have a penguin costume in the appropriate size. It's grand being the younger sibling.

  • I'm having trouble sleeping again, but I'm slightly afraid to mix my sleeping pill with my percoset. No one said anything to me about this at the hospital, but it just doesn't seem like a good idea. Maybe I'm over-thinking things.

  • I'm hungry. And nothing sounds even remotely appetizing. Maybe I'll finish off the B&J's red velvet ice cream in the freezer.

  • W's birthday is in less than two weeks. I'm starting to feel really guilty about not doing a party for him. We're going to do cake with the family one day, but I feel like he should get a party with his friends. I know this is completely ridiculous because he's three and doesn't need a birthday party, but I feel slightly guilty nonetheless.

  • At my counseling appointment yesterday, my psychiatrist said - and I quote - "Emily, you have officially made me crazy!" I think this means I win at counseling, right?

  • I had something else to put here, but my mom texted me and now I don't remember it. I think I'll just shut up and go get a snack now instead of torturing you further.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Quick update

Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive. I'm doing ok and recovering fairly well. My butt only hurts when I roll over, lay on my back, bend over, or try to sit down. Awesome, right? I also have a massive crater in my mouth from the breathing tube they used on me, which hurts like a sonofabitch, and bruises on my shoulder and both sides of my jaw from the surgery positioning stuff, so that's fun. I have to call the doc tomorrow to schedule my check for hematomas/change my dressing appointment. The healing continues.

My mom stayed with me and took care of me all weekend, which was really nice. I hated being completely confined to the couch all weekend, but it was nice to have someone wait on me hand and foot for three days. She also brought tons of junk food that we snacked on all weekend, and introduced me to Ben & Jerry's Red Velvet Ice Cream. If you haven't tried this stuff yet, you must! It's soooooooooo good!

After my mom left tonight, I was feeling a bit bummed because I was left in the care of B, who is a terrible nursemaid (he knows this and admits it), so I decided to open my first ever crappy day present. I took some pictures and will do a whole post on it later. But for now, a big thanks to DMB for making me smile (and maybe squee a bit) tonight.

On a random and unrelated note, I love this blog post about Diet Coke and why it's not the devil. Bring on the DC!

Man, lots of exclamation points tonight. I need to stop doing that. Time to go ice my bum, take a pain pill, and return some e-mails (probably not in that order...some of those e-mails are professional).

Thursday, October 6, 2011


My butt, it is removed. I'm terribly sore. Morphine is good, even if it did almost make me puke. I'm staying at the hospital tonight. I'm on complete bed rest right now to avoid any possibility of disturbing the incision. Phone blogging still sucks. Using a bed pan sucks even more. That'sall I've got for now. Write more soon (when I'm slightly more lucid). Love you all..