That just about sums up my innermost thoughts right now. Fear and loathing are the two emotions ruling my life at the moment. Fear of the things going on inside of me, within my family, in my life. Loathing of everything I am, every choice I've made, everything I do.
Ladies (and possibly the unlucky gentleman who somehow stumbled upon the blog), I am not ok. It started out as my typical one-week-pre-period blah phase. But my period has come and gone, and I'm not feeling better. I'm actually feeling much, much worse. I've been overwhelmed by anger and anxiety lately. The anger I'm used to.The anxiety I'm not. Depression - not anxiety - is my "thing;" I'm much more comfortable with the D than I am with the A. I don't like the constant inner churning. At least with depression I mostly don't feel anything.
I've talked to my counselor. I (finally) see my psychiatrist in a week. I don't think it really matters. It's not like anything helps anyway.