W has been...more trying than usual lately. He is having more and more "sensie" days (we figured he's not quite old enough to be emo yet, and he's a little too male to be a drama queen, so B has been referring to W as "sensie"). He's almost reverted to the kid he was pre-SPD diagnosis and associated therapies. He's gotten super clingy again and completely loses his shit when I leave. He's refusing to interact with - or even look at - B most of the time. He's a little demon when I leave him at daycare. He's throwing major tantrums when I leave him in his room at bedtime. He won't even let B change his diapers any more. He also started sucking his thumb a month or so ago and does it all.the.time. now.
It's exhausting. And infuriating. I have no idea what has gotten into him or what I can do to get it out of him. I think we all know that my grasp on parenting ability is tenuous at best. W's behavior on sensie days pushes me right to the brink. I truly can't deal with him. I don't know what I can do to make him better able to cope with, um, everything.
On top of that, R has started to copy his brother's separation anxiety. When W is around, R also doesn't want me to leave him with Daddy, or leave him, period.
In the end, it all comes back to me. The boys only seem to act like this around me. They only have massive fits when I'm leaving. They only turn into whiny little monsters when I get home. They only hate Daddy when they have another parent option. If fact, our daycare lady tells me that the second my car disappears from view, W turns off the screaming and tears like a faucet. It's obviously an act he puts on for me. And I have no idea what to do about it. I don't know what I can do differently.
I've honestly thought that permanently leaving might not be a bad option. It would take care of so many issues. I lose the restraints and responsibilities of marriage and motherhood, the boys lose the source of their ridiculous behavior, and B loses the crazy pain in the ass wife he's stuck with. We all win.
Or I could just take W back to OT. It's been a long while since he's been to an OT appointment due to illness, Mommy's lack of time off work, and our OT's resignation. I'm wondering if that will at least calm him down to the point he was a month or so ago. That's all I can even ask for right now.
1 comment:
So many kids have major crying when the parents leave and then they are able to stop crying almost immediately. They usually are trying to see if it will deter you any, give them one more bit of attention, or perhaps you will take them with you. My kids have done it too (for extended periods of time) and there is nothing you can do. The professionals usually say if they adjust when you are not present it's a good thing (even though they tantrum when you leave). My sons both did it at bedtime for a long time (no SPD for them- just a common trait for young kids). I too was very frustrated and wish the separation could be easier and more peaceful. It just wasn't. I too just wanted a hug, a high five, a smile- anything but the collapse on the floor or scream fest with the teacher.
I am mentioning this to let you know that "W" is hardly unique in that aspect of seperating and that there probably isn't anything you need to be doing or that you are doing wrong. As they get older and more cognitively aware, you continue to reinforce the concepts that Mommy always comes back (whoever does the drop off) and always leave with loving kind words. Usually, this habit ends (like many other difficult ones), but the time it takes varies between kids. I just don't think it's indicative of the fact that you are in any way a problem for the boys. They just want attention and control. The quicker you drop off and pay less mind to it- the sooner it will end (in a majority of cases). I am not saying it will end quickly -just quicker than it would if you pay more attention to the scenario. Pay enough attention, but not too much.
You are doing a good job.
My son tells me to stop singing and practically scolds me from doing so- even though he engages happily and willingly at preschool. It drives me crazy (that we can't do little singing games as an activity). Anyway, I stopped trying for a while and it seems he is coming around (he forgot that he used to put on such a "show") and make such a fuss when I sang a song (a kids song). This is just one of the numerous examples I have of frustrating behavior that seems to give Mommy negative attention (and often made me feel lousy and what was I doing wrong).
So please, DO NOT THINK OF GOING AWAY (in any context). Your family needs you. You may not feel like you are your best self and there may be room for improvement (like all of us), but you are their Mom and there is no replacement for a Mommy.
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