It's been a rough few
days weeks months weeks. And the work I've been doing on and for myself has been HARD. Really, really hard. I'm tired of working so hard and seeing so few results. Nothing I do seems to get me any closer to my ultimate goals. The things I'm reaching for seem so.far.away. Everything is so overwhelming; I barely even know where to start. My sources of professional help are only helpful to a point. But then I get home, and it all crashed down on me again, and I don't know what to do. I'm so frozen that I can't even determine which baby step to take at this point in time. When I do takes some sort of action, it seems to not make a dent in the surface of problem. Slowing chipping away at the giant, petrified shit pile my life has become over the past year-and-a-half or so is tedious, painful, exhausting, and FRUITLESS.
I want the healing to be over. I want my family life to magically be better. I want me to magically become happy, fulfilled, and adoring of my kids. And crushed hopes - even when they're of the pipe-dream type - never feel good.
So there you have it. This why (the process of) getting better sucks. I just keep hoping the end result of actually getting better makes it worthwhile (but even that mantra's getting a little old).
*If you don't won't to read the whole post, here's a pretty good summary: Whine, whine, whine. Whine, WHINE, whine, whine, whine. Gripe, complain, desperate-sounding final though. The end.