Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bachelorette magic

Something magical happens to me when I go to bachelorette parties. I don't know what it is or why it happens, but something about the bachelorette atmosphere makes me capable of both drinking like I did in college AND recovering like I did in college. Last night's party was no exception.

I had so freaking much fun going back to my college town for a night out. There were about 15 of us, most of whom went to undergrad there, and the nostalgia was flowing freely. I think everyone got to go to their favorite bar for their favorite drink (I was so excited for my Junction's been far too long since I've had one). We also all enjoyed how damn cheap alcohol is in college towns. I spent far less than I anticipated last night. I got dinner, a couple of shots, a round of drinks, and post-bar pizza (oh, Goodfellas, how I miss you!) for $30. Thirty bucks!

Man, I miss college.

Here are a few gems from the evening:
  • Even without getting totally slutted up, I must have looked younger than my years last night. Either that, or all the guys we talked to were trying to get in my pants. I'm guessing it's the former.

  • Apparently a girl covered in penis paraphernalia = birthday party. The bride-to-be got a ridiculous amount of birthday wishes last night. I get that some people wear crowns on their 21st birthdays, but do any of them wear penis veils, have penis-shaped name tags, or use penis straws? I kinda doubt it.

  • If you are a drunk 24-year-old who can't control his boner while in public, please go find someone else to "dance" with and rub your junk on. I didn't really appreciate that.

  • When did it become socially acceptable for girls to go out to the bars in their pajamas/sweats? Seriously. No one in our group was super dressed up, and we were better dressed than 85% of the girls we saw out. About 5% of the girls looked like hookers (not college-girls-going-out-to-the-bars-type hookers, but actual, legitimate hookers), and the remaining 10% were dressed "appropriately." When did that happen?

  • My new nickname is Curly-Q. This came from the same guy who called my BFF a shitbag for refusing to have a race to see who could finish their (highly potent) drink first.

  • Boys bought me drinks! That's good for an old girl's ego.

  • If you're going to lie about going to law school, don't do it to a lawyer. A lawyer will know you're lying when the two schools you say you were accepted to DON'T EVEN HAVE LAW SCHOOLS! Also, I went to the same undergrad school as this guy. I think I would have been aware that my undergrad had opened a law school. Particularly when there are already 49,752,984,375 law schools in Ohio. What makes this story even better is that I had already told him that I'm a lawyer when he started spouting off about where he's going to school. Even when I called him on it, he kept lying. I was thisclose to whipping out my phone to prove to him that he was full of shit, but it was closing time and we were being kicked out.

  • Seeing women using penis-shaped straws does something to guys. The number of lascivious looks thrown our way was astounding.

  • You know you're getting old when three of the five women sharing a hotel room come back from the bars and have to pump before they pass out.
The best part of the weekend was getting to have a little bit of quality time with my BFF. I love her. And I miss her terribly. The second best part was getting away from all the boys for a night and getting to (mostly) pretend I'm still young and fun.

Our theme for the evening was "I LOVE ATHENS!!!!" (yelled in loud, obnoxious voices, naturally), And it's so true. I love my college town and I love my college friends. It was good to see them all.


Denae said...

How fun! =)

Mama said...

Glad you had such a blast Em, we all need that from time to time for sure!

Anonymous said...

Cheapest is the dearest.

Shannon said...

I love Athens Too! Came across your blog via So Wonderful, So Marvelous. I went to OU for my undergrad and I am in desperate need of a night out up-town!