Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
So I prepped.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
- Bacon crackers - Don't laugh, they're crowd pleasers.
- Cheese/cracker/summer sausage tray
- Fresh Herb and Salt-Rubbed Roasted Turkey - it's dry brining away in the fridge as we speak.
- Ham - courtesy of my mom and only because my siblings are losers who don't like turkey.
- Cap City Buttermilk Mashers - B and I ate at Cap City Diner once, and fell in love with the mashed potatoes. I love, love, love that they post some of their recipes online so you can try
and failto make some of their yumminess at home.
- Soul Sweet 'Taters - This Pioneer Woman recipe is pretty similar to the recipe my mom and I usually make for Thanksgiving, but it sounds slightly tastier. So, since I'm in charge this year, we're trying it.
- Cranberry-Pomegranate Sauce - I made this tonight, and it's awfully tasty. It wasn't nearly as thick as I thought it should be, though, so I'm hoping it thickens as it cools. Otherwise, I might have a bit of an issue.
- Your basic, run-of-the-mill jellied cranberry sauce - You know, the kind that comes in a can, slides out in one big, can-shaped blob, and is pure deliciousness? What? It's the one time a year I eat the stuff. Back off. Also, I'm in charge this year, so we're having it.
- Green beans
- Peas - yeah, yeah, two green veggies. But it's what the young'uns coming to dinner will eat, so we're going with it.
- Dinner rolls - my mom's making these, so I don't know what recipe she's using.
- Green bean casserole - *Gag* *Vomit* *Hurl* My brother's
baby mama #2 girlfriendfiancee has a thing for green bean casserole, so my mom is making some to bring. I'm pretty sure she's the only one who will touch the stuff.
- Stuffing - from a box. Only the finest 'round these parts.
- Pumpkin Cream Pie - Pioneer Woman, why can't I quit you?
- Apple pie - another dish my mom is making because the weirdos in my family don't like normal Thanksgiving food.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Thursday, the boys and I did a whole bunch of nothing. (Though I did get this super-cute shot of R in the jump-a-roo.)
Friday, my mom came up, and we took the boys to the park to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather we've had - it got up almost to 70 on Friday! (Sorry for the cell phone pics. I forgot my camera.)
On Saturday, we packed up the boys and headed to my mom's. She and I went to check out some of the Christmas open houses at local businesses, while B stayed at her place with the (napping) boys and worked on cooking us dinner. I forgot to pack clothes for W (hold on a sec while I accept my Mother of the Year award), and as we were on our way to the Mecca of Evil - which is the only shopping option in town - I received a text from B that simply said, "Look what W did," and included the following picture:
When we got home, B explained that he had been down in the kitchen working on the lasagna when he heard a clunking noise upstairs. He went to investigate and found W running out of the bathroom and an empty box of kleenex beside the toilet. And I laughed even harder.
Yesterday, B had an extended-family Thanksgiving thing we were supposed to go to, but I felt like crap, so I stayed at my mom's and napped. B took the boys, and it apparently went pretty well. I guess B is now one step closer to taking the boys out in public on his own (in the past six months, he has yet to do that. Amateur). Even though he had multiple aunts and his mom there to assist...so it hardly counts.
Here's a shot of W on the way home yesterday afternoon. It pretty much sums up how we all felt at the end of the weekend.
I hope you had a great weekend, too. Happy Monday!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
B's siblings were in town for the weekend, so we made the trek home to spend a weekend with the in-laws. I knew that my not drinking would attract attention, so I brought up the possibility of telling his family this weekend. B's just as embarrassed as I am by the whole situation, and he wasn't having it (when I asked when he wanted to tell, his response was, "When are you due?"). So we decided not to tell.
When we sat down to dinner on Friday, one of his sisters immediately asked why I wasn't having any wine. I pulled out my pre-rehearsed excuse of having a sinus infection last week, and still being on an antibiotic. That seemed to placate everyone. For the moment.
Saturday night, at my nephew's birthday party, B's younger sister plopped herself down next to me, looked in my cup, and said, "Just punch, huh? You're not pregnant, are you?" I said no, I'm on antibiotics. She didn't buy it. All she said was, "Ok, but if you pop out a baby in about seven and a half months, we'll know." Blah.
I think the reason B is so hesitant to tell his family is because his older sister and her husband having unsuccessfully been trying for number two for almost a year. And while they so desperately want another, here we are with a pregnancy we
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
What’s even worse for me is knowing that nothing I’ve done has worked to change my perception of reality. I’m a very take-charge kind of person, and I like to fix my own problems when I can. In this case, though, my tried and true methods have failed, as have the newer things I’ve tried out of desperation. The list of potential fixes keeps growing, but I still feel the same. I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve talked to anyone who will listen, I’ve blogged, I’ve thought and thought and thought (some might say “ruminated”), I’ve done nice things in an attempt to up my good karma points, I’ve even gone all new-age-y and “put it out there” for the universe to take care of…nothing has done a damn thing for me. The only thing I haven’t tried is the bottle of Zoloft pills sitting on my dresser. I can’t do it. As much as I know I probably should, I just can’t.
On top of feeling like a failure for being unable to fix myself and for “failing” at being pregnant, I can’t seem to find anyone who really gets what’s going on with me. No one really understands. *Insert angst-y teenager voice here* I haven’t bothered trying to explain any of this to my friends who have never been pregnant. I just keep on pretending everything’s fine, and keep hoping my lack of enthusiasm regarding talk of the baby will lead them to different subjects. My mom friends try to empathize, but they still seem confused about my reaction to my situation. I appreciate so much everything they’ve done to convince me that things will be fine and some of the stuff I’m feeling is normal (I don’t really believe them, but I try to), but I still think they secretly think I’m some kind of freak. I can’t talk my own mom; she’s too happy about this baby for me to ruin it for her. I can’t even really talk to B. I’ve told him bits and pieces, but I'm pretty sure that he's unable or unwilling to comprehend just how deep my feelings of despair and unhappiness are. He's picked up on the fact that I "don't like being pregnant", but I don't think he knows that I also don't like the baby, myself, or my life right now. Plus, he worries about me and the baby a lot as it is. I don’t want him to worry even more. And he's soooooo excited about the baby. I can't take that away from him. So, I just keep on keeping on, pretending everything’s fine (or at least not as bad as it really is), and hoping that everyone is right, and it’ll all work out in the end. I just have so much trouble really believing that’s true.
So, my one big wish for me is to be happy about my pregnancy, to be a “normal” mom. I hasn't happened in the first six months, so I don't know why the last three months will be any different, but I'm hoping they are. Hopefully someone reading this (God, the universe, a friend, some random stranger) is able to send me the answer that I need.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Midnight-ish: Fall into bed and pass out from exhaustion.
2:37 AM: Baby’s crying. Silently give thanks that this is his first wake up of the night. Get baby, return to bed. Nurse baby.
4:16 AM: Wake up to baby passed out beside me, boob hanging out, arm completely asleep. Cover self. Flip baby to other side. Nurse.
5:29 AM: Wake up to baby passed out beside me, boob hanging out, arm completely asleep. Cover self. Scoop up baby and return him to crib. Baby’s crying. Rock and cuddle until baby goes back to sleep. Return baby to crib. Baby’s crying. Offer pacifier. Baby cries harder. Rock and cuddle some more. Try to avoid eye contact. Look down to see if he’s asleep and get a ginormous toothless grin complete with giggles. Shit. Baby’s up for the day.
5:43 AM: Begin day (47 minutes before alarm is supposed to go off). Play with baby for a bit while staying out of husband’s way so he can get ready. He got up late and is in a rush.
6:01 AM: Husband’s leaving. Silently curse at him for his compulsive need to be at least 30 minutes early for EVERYTHING. Silently curse at him for not doing anything to help with the morning necessaries. Silently curse at him for having to be at work before daycare opens and never having to deal with getting the boys ready and out the door in the morning. Tell him, aloud, that I love him and to have a good day. Kiss husband.
6:05 AM: Pack lunch, iron pants
6:22 AM: Start to head for shower. Realize there’s a giant poop stain on baby’s back. Groan. Gather diaper changing supplies. Go upstairs to get more wipes – three isn’t going to cut it. Clean off baby. Change diaper. Clean off baby again. Figure out where second round of poop came from. Clean off changing pad. Dress baby. Dispose of diaper and small case of wipes used to clean up blow-out.
6:38 AM: Sit baby in front of TV (yay for flashing lights and colors!) with an array of toys so I can shower. Take shower. Linger under hot spray a bit longer than necessary and prudent wishing that I could just go back to bed.
6:48 AM: Get out of shower, dress, apply make-up, do hair. Baby’s screaming. Ignore baby until make-up and hair are done.
7:05 AM: Grab baby, carry him around while hunting down shoes. Put baby down with explanation that I need to go get his brother up and dressed. Baby is unimpressed. Baby’s crying.
7:08 AM: Wake toddler. Attempt to wrangle toddler for a diaper change. Realize there are no diapers upstairs. Head downstairs. Turn around halfway down to grab toddler and carry him down. Get diaper changing supplies. Wrangle toddler for diaper change. Remove pajamas. Change diaper. Attempt to put pants on toddler. Offer second choice of pants. Attempt to put pants on toddler. Tell toddler he has two minutes to decide which pair of pants he wants to wear. Put shirt on toddler. Attempt to calm full-on screaming fit that ensues. Remove shirt from toddler. Ask toddler to make his clothing choice. Take recently removed pajamas from toddler. Put pajamas on toddler. Attempt to put shoes on toddler. Give up in frustration, shout “Fine!,” find bag for toddler’s real clothes and shoes.
7:17 AM: Retrieve toddler’s eye drops. See baby’s antibiotic. Remind self to give baby his medicine before we leave.
7:18 AM: Attempt to give toddler eye drops. Sit on toddler. Attempt to give toddler eye drops. Wonder if it’s too early in the day to
7:21 AM: Start car, load up bags. Realize that it will be a miracle if you make it out of the driveway by 7:30. Baby’s screaming.
7:23 AM: Give toddler antibiotic. Put on toddler’s jacket. Grab toddler and load him in car.
7:25 AM: Grab screaming baby, calm him. Load him in car seat, try to tune out the screaming. Put baby in car. Remind self to grab radio off of kitchen counter.
7:28 AM: Return to house to turn off lights, turn off TV, put on belt, grab cell phone. Return to car.
7:30 AM: Pull out of driveway. Pat self on back for making it out by the goal time.
7:31 AM: Realize I forgot to grab the radio. Silently swear at the prospect of a silent morning commute.*
7:35-7:50 AM: Hit every red light en route to daycare. Get stuck behind a-hole driving five miles under the speed limit (no need – the roads were fine today!) who refuses to get in the slow lane.
7:47 AM: Realize I forgot to give baby his antibiotic. Hit steering wheel, swear under breath, declare that “I quit this day!” (courtesy of Blair).
7:52 AM: Arrive at daycare. Feel stabby toward baby when I see that he fell back asleep on the drive. Remove baby, toddler, and child paraphernalia from car. See good friend I haven’t talked to in awhile pull in behind me. Silently wish I had some time to chat with him. Silently hate him for having a spouse who is there in the mornings to help get the kids and all their crap ready and out the door. Snap at toddler for not going into the house.
7:54 AM: Get the circus in the house, start talking to daycare owner about food, medicine, feeding schedules, etc. of the children. Snap at toddler for whining and trying to grab the half gallon of milk out of the diaper bag. Guide toddler to appropriate room. Ignore ensuing meltdown. Put away toddler’s milk, baby’s milk, toddler’s diapers, toddler’s diaper rash cream, toddler’s medicine, and toddler’s bag o’
8:05 AM: Back in car, off to work.
8:15 AM: Arrive at convenience store near work that sells large cups of
8:17 AM: Procure Diet Coke, return to car. Silently rejoice that I didn’t have to cut the manager.
8:23 AM: Arrive at work, find parking spot, haul crap inside. Resist urge cut security guy who mumbles “Jesus!” under his breath as I gather my (three) bags (including my lunch, my pump, and my purse) from the x-ray machine.
8:25 AM: Arrive at office. Fumble in purse for keys. Get stuck making small talk with another woman in the suite who is also looking for keys. Silently curse my black hole of a purse for eating my keys. Again.
8:26 AM: Enter office, turn on electronics. Return phone calls and e-mails that accumulated during my two-day pink eye-related absence.
8:59 AM: Go to main office to check in. Realize I have no one to play nice with because some people are out for the day. Relax a bit. Chat with coworker-friend, catch up on stuff that happened while I was gone. Hit vending machine for a candy bar on my way back to my office because I didn’t get breakfast, we have no food in our house, and I’m starving.
9:13 AM: Return to office. Enjoy Snickers.
10:12 AM: Get print out of e-mail from someone else in office suite. Realize e-mail should have been sent to me, know that culprit knows it should have been sent to me, think I know why it wasn’t, get pissed at culprit.
10:15 AM: Back to work.
10:34 AM: Potty break.
10:38 AM: Start morning pumping session. Work on cataloging my day while pumping. Do some work on ODD.
10:55 AM: Finish morning pumping session. Notice output is low. Silently curse at my slacker-ass boobs. Wander to drinking fountain to fill two one-liter bottles with water. Chug first liter.
11:01 AM: Realize plastic water bottle I’ve been refilling for…uh…far longer than I should…is starting to get a little nasty. Throw out empty bottle. Remind self to bring metal water bottle to work tomorrow. Decide to take bets on whether I’ll remember water bottle. Decide to bet against myself.
11:03 AM: Work, work, work.
11:38 AM: Realize I need another potty break. Decide to hold out until lunch so I don’t have to put my shoes back on. Work on second liter of water. Decide to trash this plastic bottle, too.
12:01 PM: LUNCHTIME! Gather lunch things and waddle to the bathroom as fast as humanly possible.
12:02 PM: Remind self that waiting almost half an hour after you decide you need to go before actually taking a bathroom break, after you drank 1.5 liters of water in about 45 minutes, is a bad, bad idea.
12:05 PM: Make it to lunch room. Open lunch bag, prepare to heat up lunch, realize I didn’t bring a bowl to put my ravioli in. Say “dammit!” much more loudly than I intended. Get curious looks from others in lunch room. Go to vending machine for Diet Coke. There is none. Sulk my way back to my chair. Eat four mini cupcakes and call it lunch.
12:36 PM: Resist urge to roll eyes at coworker who is complaining about the stupid storylines on the soap opera, yet continues to watch the show religiously.
1:04 PM: Back to the office. Check the e-mail/reader again. And right back to work.
1:11 PM: Realize it’s a new month, so my Pandora hours have reset! Load up Pandora. Get annoyed with the current station by song two. Switch stations. Station two isn’t doing it. Switch stations again. Settle on station three…for now.
1:22 PM: Get interrupted by e-mail from the boss. Review his draft decision on an appropriations case. Send him my thoughts, including some creativity points for the attorney who made the (utterly ridiculous and completely hopeless grammatically-based) argument.
1:36 PM: Take a break to schedule some appointments. Remember how thankful I am that I don’t have billable hours.
2:00 PM: Hit the bathroom again (damn water!). Take a couple of bills upstairs to stick in the mail pile. Take elevator instead of stairs because I’m
2:24 PM: Keep working on the decision from hades.
2:40 PM: Reply to an e-mail from my mom.
2:50 PM: Same decision, different hour.
3:07 PM: One of my happy songs comes on Pandora. I smile. And maybe sing a little bit.
3:52 PM: Feel like I’m reaching a resolution of the ODD. The end might be near. A little optimism creeps in.
4:06 PM: Get a call from the prosecutor panicking about an entry filed in an old criminal case. Spend the rest of the day talking him through it, downloading filings, and e-mailing.
4:16 PM: Realize I never did my afternoon pumping. Shit. Don’t have enough time to do it before going home. Leave boobs engorged and the baby short on milk for tomorrow.
4:30 PM: Quitting time. Turn everything off, pack up, and head out. But not before making a stop by the bathroom.
4:55 PM: Get to daycare, gather boys and their crap, head home.
5:23 PM: Arrive home. Haul kids ‘n’ crap from the car to the house.
6:15 PM: Try to figure out what to feed the toddler for dinner. Option one isn’t eaten. Option two isn’t eaten. Settle on frozen waffles and applesauce (again). Hope upcoming speech/occupational therapy appointments actually get him to eat bigger variety of foods.
7:19 PM: Bath time. Bathe toddler. Remove toddler from tub, diaper and dress him. Bathe baby. Try to keep toddler from climbing into infant tub with baby. Finish bathing baby, try to dump infant tub before toddler can climb in it.
7:44 PM: Play with the boys for awhile before bedtime.
8:30 PM: Give baby some toys and take toddler upstairs to start the
8:51 PM: Toddler goes quiet. He fell asleep quickly tonight. Awesome.
8:55 PM: Get baby changed and ready for bed. Nurse baby. Rock baby until he passes out. Put baby in crib.
9:22 PM: Head downstairs to fold some of the ridiculous amounts of clean laundry that have accumulated in my living room.
9:35 PM: Husband arrives home from class. We chat for a bit and catch each other up on our days. Discuss the kids and how they were that night. Boring stuff. Spend a few minutes trying to check my e-mail, read blogs, etc.
10:26 PM: Husband heads for bed. Start picking out clothes for the boys the next day, packing my lunch, prepping bottles. Say “screw it” when it comes time to wash pump parts, decide to make husband do it in the morning.
11:17 PM: Bedtime. Finally. Super excited that I’m getting to bed before midnight. Head to bed and pass out. Get ready to do it all again tomorrow.
* The speakers in my car are only working intermittently right now, so I’ve been taking a portable, battery-operated radio with me to provide some music while I’m driving. It’s easier than getting the car looked at.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
*Thanks to the miracle of birthing a child. Yay for hitting all of our out-of-pocket maxes for the year!