Sunday, November 7, 2010

A day in the life

I know you’re all just dying to know what a typical day in my life is like. So I went ahead and chronicled one for you. I’ll apologize in advance because it turns out that I picked a kinda crappy day for this. You’ll see what I mean.

* * *

Midnight-ish: Fall into bed and pass out from exhaustion.

2:37 AM: Baby’s crying. Silently give thanks that this is his first wake up of the night. Get baby, return to bed. Nurse baby.

4:16 AM: Wake up to baby passed out beside me, boob hanging out, arm completely asleep. Cover self. Flip baby to other side. Nurse.

5:29 AM: Wake up to baby passed out beside me, boob hanging out, arm completely asleep. Cover self. Scoop up baby and return him to crib. Baby’s crying. Rock and cuddle until baby goes back to sleep. Return baby to crib. Baby’s crying. Offer pacifier. Baby cries harder. Rock and cuddle some more. Try to avoid eye contact. Look down to see if he’s asleep and get a ginormous toothless grin complete with giggles. Shit. Baby’s up for the day.

5:43 AM: Begin day (47 minutes before alarm is supposed to go off). Play with baby for a bit while staying out of husband’s way so he can get ready. He got up late and is in a rush.

6:01 AM: Husband’s leaving. Silently curse at him for his compulsive need to be at least 30 minutes early for EVERYTHING. Silently curse at him for not doing anything to help with the morning necessaries. Silently curse at him for having to be at work before daycare opens and never having to deal with getting the boys ready and out the door in the morning. Tell him, aloud, that I love him and to have a good day. Kiss husband.

6:05 AM: Pack lunch, iron pants by throwing them in the dryer, double check daycare bag, put perishables in daycare bag, pack breast pump, pour antibiotic for baby, pour antibiotic for toddler, pack bag of candy so daycare can bribe positively reinforce toddler into getting his eye drops.

6:22 AM: Start to head for shower. Realize there’s a giant poop stain on baby’s back. Groan. Gather diaper changing supplies. Go upstairs to get more wipes – three isn’t going to cut it. Clean off baby. Change diaper. Clean off baby again. Figure out where second round of poop came from. Clean off changing pad. Dress baby. Dispose of diaper and small case of wipes used to clean up blow-out.

6:38 AM: Sit baby in front of TV (yay for flashing lights and colors!) with an array of toys so I can shower. Take shower. Linger under hot spray a bit longer than necessary and prudent wishing that I could just go back to bed.

6:48 AM: Get out of shower, dress, apply make-up, do hair. Baby’s screaming. Ignore baby until make-up and hair are done.

7:05 AM: Grab baby, carry him around while hunting down shoes. Put baby down with explanation that I need to go get his brother up and dressed. Baby is unimpressed. Baby’s crying.

7:08 AM: Wake toddler. Attempt to wrangle toddler for a diaper change. Realize there are no diapers upstairs. Head downstairs. Turn around halfway down to grab toddler and carry him down. Get diaper changing supplies. Wrangle toddler for diaper change. Remove pajamas. Change diaper. Attempt to put pants on toddler. Offer second choice of pants. Attempt to put pants on toddler. Tell toddler he has two minutes to decide which pair of pants he wants to wear. Put shirt on toddler. Attempt to calm full-on screaming fit that ensues. Remove shirt from toddler. Ask toddler to make his clothing choice. Take recently removed pajamas from toddler. Put pajamas on toddler. Attempt to put shoes on toddler. Give up in frustration, shout “Fine!,” find bag for toddler’s real clothes and shoes.

7:17 AM: Retrieve toddler’s eye drops. See baby’s antibiotic. Remind self to give baby his medicine before we leave.

7:18 AM: Attempt to give toddler eye drops. Sit on toddler. Attempt to give toddler eye drops. Wonder if it’s too early in the day to bribe positively reinforce toddler with Halloween candy. Attempt to give toddler eye drops. Decide that I’m not in the mood to deal with sucker residue, swear under breath, and decide that I don’t have enough time to mess with it. Throw eye drops in daycare bag.

7:21 AM: Start car, load up bags. Realize that it will be a miracle if you make it out of the driveway by 7:30. Baby’s screaming.

7:23 AM: Give toddler antibiotic. Put on toddler’s jacket. Grab toddler and load him in car.

7:25 AM: Grab screaming baby, calm him. Load him in car seat, try to tune out the screaming. Put baby in car. Remind self to grab radio off of kitchen counter.

7:28 AM: Return to house to turn off lights, turn off TV, put on belt, grab cell phone. Return to car.

7:30 AM: Pull out of driveway. Pat self on back for making it out by the goal time.

7:31 AM: Realize I forgot to grab the radio. Silently swear at the prospect of a silent morning commute.*

7:35-7:50 AM: Hit every red light en route to daycare. Get stuck behind a-hole driving five miles under the speed limit (no need – the roads were fine today!) who refuses to get in the slow lane.

7:47 AM: Realize I forgot to give baby his antibiotic. Hit steering wheel, swear under breath, declare that “I quit this day!” (courtesy of Blair).

7:52 AM: Arrive at daycare. Feel stabby toward baby when I see that he fell back asleep on the drive. Remove baby, toddler, and child paraphernalia from car. See good friend I haven’t talked to in awhile pull in behind me. Silently wish I had some time to chat with him. Silently hate him for having a spouse who is there in the mornings to help get the kids and all their crap ready and out the door. Snap at toddler for not going into the house.

7:54 AM: Get the circus in the house, start talking to daycare owner about food, medicine, feeding schedules, etc. of the children. Snap at toddler for whining and trying to grab the half gallon of milk out of the diaper bag. Guide toddler to appropriate room. Ignore ensuing meltdown. Put away toddler’s milk, baby’s milk, toddler’s diapers, toddler’s diaper rash cream, toddler’s medicine, and toddler’s bag o’ bribes positive reinforcements. Ignore whining toddler. Write down baby’s last feeding, times toddler needs medicine. Remove baby from car seat. Put baby in jumperoo. Kiss and say bye to baby. Baby’s happy. Try to lure toddler into appropriate area. Give up. Put toddler in highchair he’s trying to scale. Assure him daycare owner will get him a glass of milk. Herd several other toddlers back to appropriate area after they escaped through the gate I left open. Kiss toddler, ignore crying.

8:05 AM: Back in car, off to work.

8:15 AM: Arrive at convenience store near work that sells large cups of the nectar of the gods Diet Coke for $.63. See annoyingly chipper and chatty morning manager (whose name is, incidentally, something annoying and chipper like Skip or Buddy) in front of store. Silently promise to cut him if he talks to me.

8:17 AM: Procure Diet Coke, return to car. Silently rejoice that I didn’t have to cut the manager.

8:23 AM: Arrive at work, find parking spot, haul crap inside. Resist urge cut security guy who mumbles “Jesus!” under his breath as I gather my (three) bags (including my lunch, my pump, and my purse) from the x-ray machine.

8:25 AM: Arrive at office. Fumble in purse for keys. Get stuck making small talk with another woman in the suite who is also looking for keys. Silently curse my black hole of a purse for eating my keys. Again.

8:26 AM: Enter office, turn on electronics. Return phone calls and e-mails that accumulated during my two-day pink eye-related absence.

8:59 AM: Go to main office to check in. Realize I have no one to play nice with because some people are out for the day. Relax a bit. Chat with coworker-friend, catch up on stuff that happened while I was gone. Hit vending machine for a candy bar on my way back to my office because I didn’t get breakfast, we have no food in our house, and I’m starving.

9:13 AM: Return to office. Enjoy Snickers.

9:14 AM: Check e-mail, reader, election results. Immediately start diligently working on the decision that is supposed to be done today, but will not be because of the aforementioned two-day absence.

9:36 AM: Start Continue diligently working on ODD (overdue decision).

10:12 AM: Get print out of e-mail from someone else in office suite. Realize e-mail should have been sent to me, know that culprit knows it should have been sent to me, think I know why it wasn’t, get pissed at culprit.

10:15 AM: Back to work.

10:34 AM: Potty break.

10:38 AM: Start morning pumping session. Work on cataloging my day while pumping. Do some work on ODD.

10:55 AM: Finish morning pumping session. Notice output is low. Silently curse at my slacker-ass boobs. Wander to drinking fountain to fill two one-liter bottles with water. Chug first liter.

11:01 AM: Realize plastic water bottle I’ve been refilling for…uh…far longer than I should…is starting to get a little nasty. Throw out empty bottle. Remind self to bring metal water bottle to work tomorrow. Decide to take bets on whether I’ll remember water bottle. Decide to bet against myself.

11:03 AM: Work, work, work.

11:38 AM: Realize I need another potty break. Decide to hold out until lunch so I don’t have to put my shoes back on. Work on second liter of water. Decide to trash this plastic bottle, too.

12:01 PM: LUNCHTIME! Gather lunch things and waddle to the bathroom as fast as humanly possible.

12:02 PM: Remind self that waiting almost half an hour after you decide you need to go before actually taking a bathroom break, after you drank 1.5 liters of water in about 45 minutes, is a bad, bad idea.

12:05 PM: Make it to lunch room. Open lunch bag, prepare to heat up lunch, realize I didn’t bring a bowl to put my ravioli in. Say “dammit!” much more loudly than I intended. Get curious looks from others in lunch room. Go to vending machine for Diet Coke. There is none. Sulk my way back to my chair. Eat four mini cupcakes and call it lunch.

12:36 PM: Resist urge to roll eyes at coworker who is complaining about the stupid storylines on the soap opera, yet continues to watch the show religiously.

1:04 PM: Back to the office. Check the e-mail/reader again. And right back to work.

1:11 PM: Realize it’s a new month, so my Pandora hours have reset! Load up Pandora. Get annoyed with the current station by song two. Switch stations. Station two isn’t doing it. Switch stations again. Settle on station three…for now.

1:22 PM: Get interrupted by e-mail from the boss. Review his draft decision on an appropriations case. Send him my thoughts, including some creativity points for the attorney who made the (utterly ridiculous and completely hopeless grammatically-based) argument.

1:36 PM: Take a break to schedule some appointments. Remember how thankful I am that I don’t have billable hours.

2:00 PM: Hit the bathroom again (damn water!). Take a couple of bills upstairs to stick in the mail pile. Take elevator instead of stairs because I’m lazy tired. Completely forget to take the file and paperwork I need to get to the main office. Get sucked into conversation with coworker about the boys’ health – for the fifth time today (same conversation, different coworker).

2:24 PM: Keep working on the decision from hades.

2:40 PM: Reply to an e-mail from my mom.

2:50 PM: Same decision, different hour.

3:07 PM: One of my happy songs comes on Pandora. I smile. And maybe sing a little bit.

3:52 PM: Feel like I’m reaching a resolution of the ODD. The end might be near. A little optimism creeps in.

4:06 PM: Get a call from the prosecutor panicking about an entry filed in an old criminal case. Spend the rest of the day talking him through it, downloading filings, and e-mailing.

4:16 PM: Realize I never did my afternoon pumping. Shit. Don’t have enough time to do it before going home. Leave boobs engorged and the baby short on milk for tomorrow.

4:30 PM: Quitting time. Turn everything off, pack up, and head out. But not before making a stop by the bathroom.

4:55 PM: Get to daycare, gather boys and their crap, head home.

5:23 PM: Arrive home. Haul kids ‘n’ crap from the car to the house.

6:15 PM: Try to figure out what to feed the toddler for dinner. Option one isn’t eaten. Option two isn’t eaten. Settle on frozen waffles and applesauce (again). Hope upcoming speech/occupational therapy appointments actually get him to eat bigger variety of foods.

7:19 PM: Bath time. Bathe toddler. Remove toddler from tub, diaper and dress him. Bathe baby. Try to keep toddler from climbing into infant tub with baby. Finish bathing baby, try to dump infant tub before toddler can climb in it.

7:44 PM: Play with the boys for awhile before bedtime.

8:30 PM: Give baby some toys and take toddler upstairs to start the evening scream-fest bedtime routine. Read two stories to toddler, lay down in his toddler bed with him for a bit. Hear baby crying downstairs. Kiss toddler, tell him it’s time for mommy to leave, walk out and shut door. Toddler screams. Toddler pounds on door. Toddler runs around bedroom. More screaming and crying

8:51 PM: Toddler goes quiet. He fell asleep quickly tonight. Awesome.

8:55 PM: Get baby changed and ready for bed. Nurse baby. Rock baby until he passes out. Put baby in crib.

9:22 PM: Head downstairs to fold some of the ridiculous amounts of clean laundry that have accumulated in my living room.

9:35 PM: Husband arrives home from class. We chat for a bit and catch each other up on our days. Discuss the kids and how they were that night. Boring stuff. Spend a few minutes trying to check my e-mail, read blogs, etc.

10:26 PM: Husband heads for bed. Start picking out clothes for the boys the next day, packing my lunch, prepping bottles. Say “screw it” when it comes time to wash pump parts, decide to make husband do it in the morning.

11:17 PM: Bedtime. Finally. Super excited that I’m getting to bed before midnight. Head to bed and pass out. Get ready to do it all again tomorrow.

* The speakers in my car are only working intermittently right now, so I’ve been taking a portable, battery-operated radio with me to provide some music while I’m driving. It’s easier than getting the car looked at.


Tracy said...

Wow, that's quite a day. I've recently found your blog (I don't even remember how!) and am quite enjoying your posts. I've got a (just) 3 year old and a 5 month old. I'm not back to work yet, but can appreciate the juggle it will be!

Doing My Best said...

You are AMAZING! Seriously! THAT day, and you are still alive, planning to get up the next day!