- Jeff (the purple one) - I remember my aunt telling me years ago that this was a group of college classmates who put this whole Wiggles thing together as a class project. You know how every group project has that one person who's pretty worthless, but you have to include anyway? Yeah, that's Jeff. Dude can't sing. Can't dance very well, either. He does play the accordion, though, so I guess that's why they keep him around. He's also apparently a (pretend) narcoleptic.
- Murray (the red one) - Murray is kinda scary looking. He can't sing very well, either. He's the official guitar player. Music is his "thing."
- Anthony (the blue one) - Anthony also can't really sing, but is slightly better than the first two. He's also got the most flamboyant dance moves. He likes to eat, especially fruit salad (where the hell do they come up with this crap???)
- Sam (the yellow one) - Sam is the good singer. He carries the group. He's not the original yellow Wiggle. He looks a lot like my friend's husband. I like Sam and find him to be the least annoying of the bunch. Before Sam was the yellow Wiggle, he was a back-up singer/dancer on the show, but they called him David in the one episode I saw him in.
- Greg (the former yellow one) - I eventually noticed that there were two different incarnations of the yellow Wiggle, and I wondered why. Was there some falling out among the group? Had Greg slept with another Wiggle's wife? It had to be something good; you don't give up a cash cow like this for nothing. At a friend's wedding, the people at my table got into a discussion about The Wiggles (because we're all super-lame and have young children), and a friend's wife had done some research to find out the story. Unfortunately, it's nothing juicy. Greg has some sort of medical issue and had to quit. Sam was picked as his replacement. After Greg left, their show went from being called "The Wiggles Show" to "Wiggle and Learn." I'm guessing this has something to do with ownership and royalties and rights and all of that.
- The rest of them - I'm not going to get into the annoying qualities of Captain Feathersword (worst fake pirate ever..."snuzzle-wuzzle" is NOT a pirate word), Dorothy the Dinosaur (her giggle makes me cringe), Wags the Dog (I'm pretty sure he's not mentally all there), and Henry the Octopus (he's not on much, so I don't know much about him. But his plaid pants are ugly).
I'm not gonna lie, it repulses me to see how much I just wrote on this subject. And that was all just from watching TV for a little while in the mornings. There are much more important things that need that precious space in my brain.
Damn you, Wiggles. Damn you and your (toot, toot, chugga, chugga) big red car.