Days like today, I really wonder if my happy pills are actually working. It's been just over a month now, and, overall, I've been feeling much happier. However, the deep, underlying despair that consumed me for months is still there, lurking right below the rainbows and puppies surface, and it still comes to the forefront much more than I would like. For example, I just told a friend who said she could never imagine giving up her baby for adoption that I could (and would) do it in a heartbeat...especially if they let me do it with my five month old. That's not normal.
I was sorta hoping that the medicine would be all I needed to snap the hell out of my funk. Unfortunately, it hasn't quite worked that way. I don't know how to fix this, either. Different drugs? Higher dosage? Tropical vacation sans baby? (I like that option best). If I figure it out, I'll let you know (if I don't run away from home first).