This is embarassing, but I'm excited

THERE IS A NEW CENTER STAGE MOVIE COMING OUT! WOOOOOOOOO!

http://www.lawyerish.com/lawyerish/2008/04/on-the-lighter.html

The progress so far

Well, my pudge is apparently the same size at 14 weeks as it was at 4 weeks. That's kind of disappointing. My tightening waistbands would beg to differ, but the pictures don't lie. I need to start showing for real so I don't feel like a sausage in my regular shirts and a faker in maternity shirts.

Fantastic hair day

I've read in numerous sources that pregnancy is supposed to do wonderful things for your hair and nails. Until today, the only thing it had done for my hair was make it greasy and flat. Even a shampoo/conditioner change didn't help. Today, however, without me doing anything differently, my hair looked fab. It was still a bit frizzier than I prefer, but really, compared to the last two months, it looked great. Today was one of those days when it was a shame that then only place I had to go was work. No one there appreciated the fab curls the way they should have.

This whole thing is so unfair

As good as B has been to me so far during my pregnancy, I can't help but be a little (ok, ragingly) pissed off that his life has changed so little since February 16, and mine has changed so drastically. I have had to give up every single one of my little pleasures (baths, wine, massages, not looking fat, Diet Coke...oh, how I miss my Diet Coke), my waistline, control over my body, and my general sense of health and well-being. He hasn't had to give up a single damn thing. Case in point, he just got home from spending some time with friends, and my supersonic sense of smell tells me he had some beers. Now, I don't have a problem with beer drinking in and of itself. However, I have told him numerous times that the smell of alcohol makes me want to vomit right now, and I've asked him to not drink if he's going to be within a 10 foot radius of me soon after. But it doesn't seem to matter. He does it anyway. Inconsiderate jerk. The only thing he's had to deal with is me being more tired, more moody, and lazier than I was 3 months ago. At least I don't make him want to throw up just by being in the same room. PLUS, he's getting the added bonus of my newly ginormous boobs! This pregnancy is nothing but win-win for him, while I get stuck with all the shitty parts.

I am just so pissed at the unfairness of the situation. He's half the reason this stupid baby exists. He should have to deal with half of the nastiness. I just want to punch him in the head and tell him to knock it off. Get some sympathetic morning sickness or something, asshole. It would make me feel better. So would drinking an ice cold Diet Coke.

I have issues

Stepping away from the babycentricity of this blog for a moment...

Last night, I came to the realization that I suck at trusting myself. I am incapable of making life decisions. I end up hating every major decision I make. No matter what it is, it always seems like a good idea at the time, but a week or two later, I'm second guessing and pissed at myself because I'm unhappy with my choice. This happens with everything from my college major to going to law school to my wedding dress...the list goes on and on. The only major decision I've ever been happy with is marrying B. Most days anyway. (Just kidding, babe. You know I love you).

I don't know how to fix this or where it comes from, which bothers me. I would like to get over it. I need some confidence in the decisions I make, or I'm going to be driving myself crazy forever.

Bad Idea #2

I went to a first birthday party last weekend. There were lots of young chidren in attendance. I thought nothing of it at the time. I like kids, and most of these kids behaved decently, so I had no complaints.

The party was Saturday. Sunday morning, I woke up with a scratchy throat, but didn't really think anything of it. It was a little worse on Monday morning. Normally, when I feel like that, I'll grab my Airborne and Zicam and spend two or three days pumping so many vitamins and minerals into my body that the little cold viruses are beaten into submission. Not possible when you're pregnant, though, so I drank some OJ and went on my merry way. By Tuesday morning, I had a full-blown cold.

Usually, a cold isn't a big deal, but right now, I can't do anything to make it better. If you've ever had a cold and just not treated it (or had one while pregnant), you know what I'm talking about. It sucks. The only things you're allowed to use as "treatment" are saline nasal spray (worthless), salt water gargle (makes me barf), steam, and hot tea (decaf, of course). Non-medical remedies blow. I just want to be able to breathe again. It's not asking much, really.

Moral of the story: Pregnancy colds suck, and I would give my left nut for a couple of Advil Cold & Sinus.

Appointment update

The second appointment went well. The baby was wiggling around a lot, and the doctor said it looked good. We got another ultrasound because the doc didn't want to waste time trying to find the heartbeat on the doppler. I didn't complain about that at all. I got another picture of the bebe, too, but it's not very good. There were other shots that were much better, but this is the one she printed. You wouldn't know it by looking at this pic, but I swear it actually looked like a real baby in the other shots.

The doc also finally gave me a due date. November 5. It's a week later than my self-figured, internet-searched due date of October 28. We know the day baby was conceived (TMI, sorry), so I feel a little more comfortable with the October 28 date, especially since I was just finally figuring out the whole weeks thing. I may just stick with that. When I'm not around my doctor, of course.

Turning a corner?

Tonight is the first time in months that I've had trouble falling asleep. This is probably some combination of the three-hour nap B and I took this afternoon, something in our bedroom smelling funny (maybe the sheets? Gross), nervous excitement about my doctor's appointment, and the ever-present stomachache. I would prefer to think, however, that this is a sign that my first trimester symptoms are finally going away. I'm just days away from hitting that milestone (it's Tuesday, in case you're wondering), so maybe my body has finally adjusted enough to let me go back to being something resembling a normal human being. I'm not getting my hopes up too high just yet, but maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to regularly stay up past 9:00 sometime in the near future. Even better, maybe the nausea will finally stop. Awesome.

Additionally, my second OB appointment is this afternoon. I don't know why, but I always (I say "always" like it's happened more than twice before in my life) get really nervous before my appointments. I'm hoping that might stop after this one, since I'll be out of the first trimester and ostensibly "safe" after that. I'll update about the appointment this evening.

Queasy Drops - They live up to their name

I've been on a quest to find something that will help with my nausea. I had heard of Preggie Pops (good Lord, that name is just AWFUL!), and considered trying them. They're basically suckers that are marketed to gullible pregnant women, and supposedly help make you less nauseous. I had been looking for them in stores, but wasn't able to find them anywhere. After feeling particularly craptastic most of yesterday, I hunted these things down online. Since I have very little patience when it comes to stomachaches, I needed some instant gratification, and the online shopping just wasn't going to do it for me. Luckily for me, the non-pregnant version, Queasy Drops, are available at my friendly neighborhood Meijer (no "s") store.

So, I went to the store, found the Queasy Drops (which were on clearance for $1.98. Score! Though, that should have been my first clue...), bought a couple of bottles, and ate one as soon as I got to my car. Besides the fact that it tasted like crap (ginger flavored candy = nasty!), it didn't do much for me. I thought maybe that was just a fluke, and the tastier ones would work better. I'm such a sucker (no pun intended) when I get my hopes up.

After a full day of Queasy Drop usage, I've discovered that these candies absolutely live up to their name - they don't do anything other than make me feel queasy. I should have known. Sugary foods have been making me feel like puking recently. I don't know why I thought the anti-nausea candy would be any different.

Moral of the story: Anything with a name like "Preggie Pops" is for gullible pregnant women, and won't really do you any good. And Queasy Drops = instant nausea. What a waste of $1.98.

Maternity Pants

Until about 1:30 PM yesterday, I really thought my regular pants were still fitting fine, and I was very thankful for that. I mean, I'm only 11 weeks along and not sporting more than a little bloated pooch. There's no reason for me to be wearing, or even buying, maternity pants yet.

I was so, so wrong.

I went shopping with a friend who already has two little monsters...er...bundles of joy...of her own, and she urged me to try the pants on. She told me it would be worth it. She's such a pusher. But I caved anyway. I tried them on, and I liked them. That stretchy-waisted denim was one of the most comfortable things I have ever put on. They felt like sweatpants, but looked cute like jeans. Never mind that the ridiculously high waistline made me feel like a geriatric male. So, I walked out of the dressing room and bought the pants. They were only $17. That's half the price of a pair of regular jeans. How could I pass a deal like that up?

Later in the afternoon, after I had squeezed myself back into my restrictive normal jeans, my friend tells me I should just wear the pants when we go out to dinner. To be fair, I may have asked if it would be ok to wear them, you know, in the interest of science, to see if they really were more comfortable than my normal jeans. Either way, I eventually put them on, but couldn't quite bring myself to take the tags off. That makes it so permanent. After being ridiculed for walking around like an idiot with tags hanging off my hip, I took them off. I did it. I committed myself to 6 months of maternity clothes. And it felt good.

Despite the progress I've made in accepting my elasticized panel fate, I'm still not ready for the inevitable total wardrobe overhaul. I'm only 11 weeks along, and barely sporting more than a little bloated pooch. I don't need those pants. Well, maybe I do. Just a little.

It's like an eating disorder

Never in my pre-pregnancy life was I ever so obsessed with food as I am right now (well, maybe during one diet in undergrad, but I digress...). Now, though, food, and thoughts of it, is one of the only things that fills my hormone-addled brain. If it's not "Man, I'm starving!" it's "Ugh, I shouldn't have eaten that" or "Have I eaten any veggies today?" or "When was my last snack?" I never thought that I would scrutinize every morsel I put in my mouth this closely, but, being the good mommy that I am, I have to ensure that each bite has some kind of nutritional value, doesn't contain too much sugar, isn't on the no-no food list, and won't make me feel like puking. I also have to make sure I eat something every few hours or I start feeling sick.

If I weren't pregnant, I would totally diagnose myself as having some sort of disordered eating issues. But, I suppose constantly obsessing over food is better than constantly obsessing about whether the baby's ok. Oh, wait, I guess I've been doing that, too...