I bought the boys fish last week, right? That night, B asked what I thought the over/under on their lifespan was. I was being optimistic and said six months. B gave it till Christmas. Turns out, we were both wrong.
It was five days.
B came back from my mom's Thursday after dinner because he had to work on Friday. I got a text from him at 7:30 telling me that one of the fish was dead. It was Goldie, W's fish (of course. It had to be the sensitive, emotional kid's fish). While I was immensely grateful that we hadn't gone home with B, I was also FREAKING OUT about how to explain this to W because he would not take his fish's death well.
My mom eventually came to the rescue. She suggested either telling W that Goldie went to visit her family or getting B to replace the fish before we got home on Friday. I went with option two.
B called me after work on Friday, and I told him he needed to go get a new fish. I said it should be easy, since W's fish was all orange (as opposed to R's half orange, half white one that we'd never find a replica of); all he had to do was go to any pet store or megastore and drop 30 cents on a replacement fish.
The asshole He wasn't going to do it! He didn't want to go back out. God forbid he be inconvenienced. I told him he was going to have to deal with W's crying and weeks months days of asking where Goldie was and when she was coming back (which we all know would never have happened. I would have been the one who had to deal with all of it). He eventually agreed, and there were two fish in the tank when we got home. I'm sure there was also a lovely toilet-side service before we got home, too.
Luckily, W hasn't noticed that Goldie is smaller than she was before we left for Thanksgiving. Or that she now has some white on her chin and one fin.
Quick aside. Goldie the First was a 100% solid orange goldfish. Totally orange. Not one bit of white on her anywhere. There are dozens of such fish in every store's goldfish tank and he couldn't manage to get even one? I'm sure it was the first fish the attendant scooped, but I would have made them try again! This is a sensitive five-year-old we're talking about here. Inconveniencing the store employee a bit would have been worth it.
So our explanation of the circle of life has been postponed. For now. I'm sure this wasn't the best way to handle Goldie I's death, but it certainly was the easiest one. Now let's hope that Goldie the Second has a hardier constitution than her predecessor.